When I first began to follow Christ I used to watch a lot of Christian TV. I mean a lot of it. Praise-a-thons and shouting preachers became a fixed part of my Christian imagination. This was partly due to not having much to do. When all your friends are living lives in quite the opposite trajectory it can be lonely. It was also because in the back of my mind I knew God had called me to “ministry.” So I would watch these preachers on TV and imitate TD Jakes, Noel Jones (yes the Preacher of LA) and many others. The mirror I used for practicing dance moves in high school became the mirror I used for “practicing” my preaching. Then I discovered I couldn’t quite be them. God had given me my own unique personality and style of doing things.
I began to go to and eventually lead a church where we taught people about how they were uniquely made and took them through personality tests and spiritual gift evaluation tools so they could learn more of how God made them and so they could serve in their unique way. While I still believe that God has called us to serve in a unique way I know that something twisted happened inside of me in the midst of all of this teaching. I began to think ministry was about me.
I began to believe that this was the way that I would make my mark on the world. This was how I would reach my full potential. This was how I could get my best life now. So I would dream of doing interviews with Christianity Today and having my books being endorsed by all the big names in Evangelicalism.
Not only did this not happen but it totally changed my attitude from helping people to helping myself. That’s when I knew that the road I was going down was a dangerous one. Instead of book deals I got counseling sessions. Instead of interviews I got burned out leaders who needed grace. So much for my best life now.
I realized I viewed ministry as a way to “success” when the Bible says something completely different:
For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45 ESV)
This is not the road to self actualization. This is the road to death. Jeremiah didn’t have a single convert. Moses prophesied that the whole nation he led to serve God would disobey God and worship idols. Jesus knew he had a date with a wooden cross.
So now I approach things a bit differently. I am called to ministry but my eyes are now on how can I serve others and less on how can I serve myself. It might be good to have interviews, book deals and maybe a tv show. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that but I don’t think people want to watch a reality show about a preacher with two used toyotas who shops at Ross 
